Admitting Failure

Like most people, I don’t like to fail or give up on something. It really takes me a LOT to say no or give up, particularly on a goal I have set for myself. As I am writing this now, I’m actually fighting the urge to cry because it is really hitting me that I won’t be accomplishing my biggest goal for this year, which was to run the Chicago marathon.

I started training for the marathon in June, and things were going okay. I was getting in all my weekday runs and even my long runs on the weekend, even though I struggle through a few. I became incredibly sick during a 15 mile run, but felt amazing and strong after 17 miles the next week (done at 8:34 pace!). I felt so confident during that run–feeling like I could really run 26.2 miles and even do it at an 8:30 pace as I had negative splits during that run.

So what happened? Honestly, looking back, it’s hard to pinpoint it, but I think all of the stress of life just got to me and wore me down. Moving 26 hours away from some of my best friends (even though I moved home) and starting a new job was WAY more stressful than I thought it would be. I don’t know why I thought the change would be seamless and I would transition without any problems. I received very little training at my new job–I am actually still figuring things out and feel uncomfortable with what I’m doing a lot of days, which is a hard feeling for me. I came home from work every day feeling down and exhausted. Those sentiments fed over into other aspects of my life as well. On the weekends, I just wanted to sleep. When I did force myself to be social and go out with friends, it was so hard to run on the next day because that had taken up all my energy. I am used to being able to do it all, so the fact that I suddenly couldn’t was unacceptable to me. Every run and workout starting feeling like a chore. I used to go to bed at night SO EXCITED to run the next morning (yes, I know, for most people this is a foreign feeling and they can’t relate), but I was dreading every run. I would choose to lie in bed and do it after work and then spend all day dreading it.

I couldn’t go on like that for too much longer–you can only force yourself to do something for so long before you break down. So I did. I actually got a slight injury from running (it probably would have healed in a week), but I just stopped running because of the pain. And I was so much happier. Yes, the injury threw a wrench in my training schedule, but I don’t think I could have continued with that training for 8 more weeks. I could feel myself getting more and more stressed out/unhappy, and I needed to focus on myself and fix whatever was going on. I started doing BBG again and making up my own workouts and enjoyed them a lot more!

So where am I now? Well, I am currently feeling more positive. Things at work are still tough, but have gotten better. I’m trying to focus on the good things about my job instead of what I don’t like (easier said than done!). I am going to the gym mostly after work and doing BBG, making up my own circuits, and doing various cardio machines at the gym– stationary bike, elliptical, and stairmaster. I am planning on starting the Tone It Up 31 day challenge tomorrow #TIU31 for something new! I’ve been on their website a lot, followed on instagram, and done different videos, but never actually done one of the challenges, so it should be fun to do something new. I also plan to get back into running because it is something that I have always loved SO MUCH. And now with the seasons changing, it will be so beautiful to run outside and I don’t want to miss it!

The Chicago Marathon is in a little over 1 week, and while I am sad to miss it, I am glad that I have focused on my health, both physical and mental. Those need to come first before any large goals. I know that I will still run a marathon at some point in my life! And this is not the end of my running career, just a little break.

If you have stuck around and read this whole post, you are my new best friend! More to come soon 🙂

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