I am very open about the fact that I struggle with anxiety. I know when it started (after the death of my sister) and I know many of the things that set it off. I have learned tools to cope with it. But still, I can’t escape it completely. And I get so frustrated with myself that I feel this way, telling myself to get it together, and feeling ashamed about the fact that I feel like I’m going to throw up the whole way to work, walk certain ways to avoid people, and have to talk myself down from multiple panic attacks each day.
I know this is a particularly bad period of my life and it will pass. I am being proactive about changing certain things. But in the meantime, I have to deal with feeling constantly exhausted from my anxiety flaring up and trying to keep it at bay. When I was home over the holidays, I slept 10-12 hours every night. I couldn’t figure out how I needed THAT much sleep, but I really think my body dealing with stress needed longer to recover. I would sleep in, work out, eat lunch, hang out with family, eat dinner, watch some TV, and then be ready to go to bed again. I will admit, I was ashamed of being so lazy. But I could tell I was stressed because I hardly had an appetite all day and was fighting head aches and stomach aches. Although I am back in the swing of things at work, I am still fighting the same symptoms.
This is my little reminder to be patient and gracious with yourself. Focus on what you can do to feel better (for me this is LOTS of deep breathing, reading before bed, exercising regularly, keeping my apartment clean, getting lots of fresh air, and venting to my mom when I need to). I’m not going to be able to function at 100% capacity or handle everything that I usually can, but I am going to fight and take it day by day.