Maybe everyone thinks this, but I believe myself to be a good friend and a good person to talk to. I enjoy lifting people up, bringing down the best in them, and pointing out the bright side. I consider myself to be a good listener (why didn’t I follow through with my dream of becoming a psychologist again?) But I cannot take my own advice.
I have tried giving myself the advice and support that I give to my friends, but for some reason, it’s impossible. It’s as if I hold myself to a way higher standard than anyone else on earth.
If a friend complains about missing a workout, I tell them it’s okay! Listen to your body! It probably needed the extra sleep and one day off means nothing. But for me when I sleep in instead of working out, it’s because I’m lazy, undisciplined, and will never achieve my goals because I don’t work hard enough. Is it because I know what I’m capable of and am disappointed in myself?
I have had a little nagging realization in the back of my head recently- that I am always letting people down. I can’t tell if it’s letting myself down or my parents. I constantly feel like I’m just not enough- not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not fast enough, not ambitious enough, not fun enough, not happy enough. And it is a tough feeling. Sometimes I think I give up and set myself up to fail because I “know” that what I do won’t be good enough.
I can listen to the little voice in my head saying just be you, there’s no such thing as being good enough! But again, I set crazy goals for myself and push them and see other people doing things, so I think why not me?
There is really no resolution to this post. But I don’t think anyone reads this blog and I like to write so this is just my space to get my thoughts out and hopefully work through them.